{Saturday, October 15, 2005 . }

sitting in front of the computer... i decided to make this entry... it is now or never...

i really am sick... flu... since yesterday... which is the main reason why i m nt coming to church today... but even if i do... today would be the last day...

before u pple start wondering why and start saying things... i really hope u will read thru and respect my decision...

many things had happened thruout this period and really many times i was asked to choose and i chose my family, my sch work and my frenz... i understand the priority issue... but with my grams in hospital having operation and follow-up checking and the house in a mess... i guess i cannot put tt aside... with the exams breathing so hardly down my neck and with so many things to catch up... i really wanna give it a try... and with so many sorrys and next time i will be there owed to my fren... i guess it is time to pay back wad i owed them...

the final thing came when i was asked to choose... whether i m wif or nt wif u... i guess it is time to really decide... and my choice is tt i decide to go find a balance between serving, sch, social and family...

but all these is not the main reason... and i guess i will keep that for those who really wanna know...

my decision may be seen as cowardice, running away or even backsliding and turning away from God... and seriously... how u see it does not matter to me anymore... really... i guess u all have impressions of me and when i do and say something it does not really matter why i m doing it but wad u see from it...

dun try to ask me back... i had spent quite some time thinking thru... and i decided... i wun hide from u all... i will still continue to work on sundays if my time allows it... i will still talk to u all and stuff... coz i see it is a personal decision... and i will still be going to church and i dun see a reason to avoid u pple... think wad u wan really... but please dun judge me...

Kelvin: really... it is not about u... u had been a leader who really care for the flock and i really appreciate ur efforts... dun undermine ur efforts... dun undermine wad u can do... u gt potential to excel for God coz He is the one who brought u to where u r now...

Jaron, Lennon, Sarah, Larina: thanks for once trusting me... i'm sorry i did not perform to ur hopes and trust and i had disappointed u time and again... now it would be burdens of other pple...

Zul, DY and the rest: please dun see it as betrayal... and dun see it as an end... i m still titus... someone whom u can talk to if u wan to... of coz if the leaders dun allow u to do so.. then dun... but i just wanna let u know tt i will always be a fren and brother... i'm sorry to disappoint u... with all the hopes and plans u have for me...

Bing Liang: I'm sorry... ever since i transferred, i never really played my role as a spiritual support and buddy to you... it was always u supporting me and encouraging me... and whenever u need someone... i m never there... now tt i m gone... i believe u will find someone who can support and help u grow more than i did... Seng is right... we are of different level... i can no longer play the role tt i m suppose to... God had brought u from where u were to where u are... trust Him to bring u from where u are to where He wans u to be... lead the east guys from glory to greater glory... i'm still a fren if u consider me one...

take it as i've give up... take is as i've run away... if i wanna come back... i will be back... but not now... really... not now... i will attend a fren's church before deciding if i wanna settle down back in my grams church or in her church... i will still be going to church... tt i assure all of u...

timtitus fishing at 4:50 pm
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