{Friday, October 21, 2005 . }

We were the only family with children in the restaurant.

I sat Erik in a high chair and noticed everyone was quietly eating and talking.

Suddenly, Erik squealed with glee and said, "Hi there." He pounded his fat baby hands on the highchair tray. His eyes were crinkled in laughter and his mouth was bared in a toothless grin, as he wriggled and giggled with merriment.

I looked around and saw the source of his merriment. It was a man whose pants were baggy with a zipper at half-mast and his toes poked out of would-be shoes. His shirt was dirty and his hair was uncombed and unwashed. His whiskers were too short to be called a beard and his nose was so varicose it looked like a road map. We were too far from him to smell, but I was sure he smelled. His hands waved and flapped on loose wrists.

"Hi there, baby; Hi there, big boy. I see ya, buster," the man said to Erik.

My husband and I exchanged looks, "What do we do?" Erik continued to laugh and answer, "Hi, hi there." Everyone in the restaurant noticed and looked at us and then at the man. The old geezer was creating a nuisance with my beautiful baby.

Our meal came and the man began shouting from across the room, "Do ya patty cake? Do you know peek-a-boo? Hey, look, he knows peek-a-boo."

Nobody thought the old man was cute. He was obviously drunk. My husband and I were
embarrassed. We ate in silence; all except for Erik, who was running through his repertoire for the admiring skidrow bum, who in turn, reciprocated with his cute comments. We finally got through the meal and headed for the door. My husband went to pay the check and told me to meet him in the parking lot.

The old man sat poised between me and the door. "Lord, just let me out of here before he speaks to me or Erik," I prayed. As I drew closer to the man, I turned my back trying to sidestep him and avoid any air he might be breathing. As I did, Erik leaned over my arm, reaching with both arms in a baby's "pick-me-up" position.

Before I could stop him, Erik had propelled himself from my arms to the man's.

Suddenly a very old smelly man and a very young baby consummated their love relationship. Erik in an act of total trust, love, and submission laid his tiny head upon the man's ragged shoulder. The man's eyes closed, and I saw tears hover beneath
his lashes.

His aged hands full of grime, pain, and hard labor, cradled my baby's bottom and stroked his back. No two beings have ever loved so deeply for so short a time. I stood awestruck.

The old man rocked and cradled Erik in his arms and his eyes opened and set squarely on mine. He said in a firm commanding voice, "You take care of this baby."

Somehow I managed, "I will," from a throat that contained a stone. He pried Erik from his chest unwillingly, longingly, as though he were in pain. I received my baby, and the man said, "God bless you, ma'am, you've given me my Christmas gift."

I said nothing more than a muttered thanks. With Erik in my arms, I ran for the car. My husband was wondering why I was crying and holding Erik so tightly, and why I was saying, "My God, my God, forgive me." I had just witnessed Christ's love shown through the innocence of a tiny child who saw no sin, who made no judgment; a child who saw a soul, and a mother who saw a suit of clothes.

I am a Christian who was blind, holding a child who was not. I felt it was God asking, "Are you willing to share your son for a moment?" when He shared His for all eternity.

The ragged old man, unwittingly, had reminded me, "...unless you change and become like little children, you will not enter the kingdom of God." (Matthew 18:3)

If this has blessed you, please bless others by sending it on. "You can tell the true character of a man by the way he treats someone who can do absolutely nothing for him"

Footnote:
It is so true, we are all guilty of judging others by their appearance at times, I know I would have reacted like the lady in the story. Lord, please forgive us for our shortcoming!

~*-*~
ripped tis from somewhere which i think is very interestin and relevent...

timtitus fishing at 2:07 am
------ {Saturday, October 15, 2005 . }

sitting in front of the computer... i decided to make this entry... it is now or never...

i really am sick... flu... since yesterday... which is the main reason why i m nt coming to church today... but even if i do... today would be the last day...

before u pple start wondering why and start saying things... i really hope u will read thru and respect my decision...

many things had happened thruout this period and really many times i was asked to choose and i chose my family, my sch work and my frenz... i understand the priority issue... but with my grams in hospital having operation and follow-up checking and the house in a mess... i guess i cannot put tt aside... with the exams breathing so hardly down my neck and with so many things to catch up... i really wanna give it a try... and with so many sorrys and next time i will be there owed to my fren... i guess it is time to pay back wad i owed them...

the final thing came when i was asked to choose... whether i m wif or nt wif u... i guess it is time to really decide... and my choice is tt i decide to go find a balance between serving, sch, social and family...

but all these is not the main reason... and i guess i will keep that for those who really wanna know...

my decision may be seen as cowardice, running away or even backsliding and turning away from God... and seriously... how u see it does not matter to me anymore... really... i guess u all have impressions of me and when i do and say something it does not really matter why i m doing it but wad u see from it...

dun try to ask me back... i had spent quite some time thinking thru... and i decided... i wun hide from u all... i will still continue to work on sundays if my time allows it... i will still talk to u all and stuff... coz i see it is a personal decision... and i will still be going to church and i dun see a reason to avoid u pple... think wad u wan really... but please dun judge me...

Kelvin: really... it is not about u... u had been a leader who really care for the flock and i really appreciate ur efforts... dun undermine ur efforts... dun undermine wad u can do... u gt potential to excel for God coz He is the one who brought u to where u r now...

Jaron, Lennon, Sarah, Larina: thanks for once trusting me... i'm sorry i did not perform to ur hopes and trust and i had disappointed u time and again... now it would be burdens of other pple...

Zul, DY and the rest: please dun see it as betrayal... and dun see it as an end... i m still titus... someone whom u can talk to if u wan to... of coz if the leaders dun allow u to do so.. then dun... but i just wanna let u know tt i will always be a fren and brother... i'm sorry to disappoint u... with all the hopes and plans u have for me...

Bing Liang: I'm sorry... ever since i transferred, i never really played my role as a spiritual support and buddy to you... it was always u supporting me and encouraging me... and whenever u need someone... i m never there... now tt i m gone... i believe u will find someone who can support and help u grow more than i did... Seng is right... we are of different level... i can no longer play the role tt i m suppose to... God had brought u from where u were to where u are... trust Him to bring u from where u are to where He wans u to be... lead the east guys from glory to greater glory... i'm still a fren if u consider me one...

take it as i've give up... take is as i've run away... if i wanna come back... i will be back... but not now... really... not now... i will attend a fren's church before deciding if i wanna settle down back in my grams church or in her church... i will still be going to church... tt i assure all of u...

timtitus fishing at 4:50 pm
------ {Sunday, October 09, 2005 . }

Things are being brought forward due to many reasons... so in theatre terms: now the stage is set, the cast in position and the SM had already called out "places everyone"... now i m just waiting for the curtains to rise... heehee... i knew i m good in drama... jkjk...

a lot of things had happened and really thought thru a lot... pple had given some thoughts abt those matters and well... honestly... it all helped shape the decisions made...

went to JB with Tim and Skye and had a great time there... we toked abt lotsa things, shared thoughts, feelings, and views abt many things and i learnt a lot abt them from this trip... look forward to another trip with them... haha... got myself shoes and a belt and a new pair of glasses... hopefully can fit lenses to it from my optician... and i'm gonna get reimbursement from grams for the shoes and belt bought...

friday saw my brother to tekong and looked around... seen a lot of things and evaluated... well NS is not tt bad... i mean ya i will gt hell from the sgt and officer and they will train us like mad but look... mun hong surviving, douglas surviving, many pple came out alive and stronger both physically and mentally, growing in physical, mental and emotional aspects... maybe i need such a setting to help me mature and grow and think... and wif tt conclusion... i kinda looked forward to NS... i dunno how long this can last... but well i m hoping it will...

1 major decision tt i m posting so tt pple can bear witness and i can be more motivated... gonna return the money i owe the following pple before 1/9/2006:
M1: 252.50 SGD
Ally: 333.50 SGD
Mun Hong: 100 SGD
Douglas: 100 SGD
Jeslyn: 50 SGD
Jaron: 80 SGD
Sis: 40 SGD
Total: 956 SGD

plus a monthly 40SGD till i turn 46... sigh...

now playing: Luo Ke Ban - Wo Xiang Ni De Kuai Le Shi Yin Wei Wo

timtitus fishing at 4:17 am
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